Sick's Stadium

Terry Sanderson supervises the plumbing department at the Lowe's on Beacon Hill. This morning, he headed to work as usual. He made it just in time to see the wrecking ball take its first swing. "I had no idea what was going on," said Sanderson, "When I saw that wrecking ball crash through front wall I spit out the nonfat Caffè Mocha that I was drinking all over my buddy Earl."

So what is going on? The Beacon Hill Lowe's was purchased this past weekend for a substantial but undisclosed sum that Lowe's representatives only describe as "whoopee, let's throw a yaught party!" The purchaser is Walter Redlum, owner of the new Seattle franchise in the Adult Baseball League. The Beacon Hill Lowe's is being torn down to make room for the franchise's ballpark: Sick's Stadium.

Thus the new Sick's Stadium will be situated on the exact site of the original Sick's Stadium. That ballpark was built in 1938 and was home for many years to the Seattle Rainiers of the Pacific Coast League. It even hosted a major league team when, in 1969, the American League expanded to include the Seattle Pilots. (The following year, the Pilots moved to Milwaukee and became the Brewers.) The ballpark closed in 1976, as Seattle baseball migrated to the Kingdome.

The wrecking ball's big swing today might also prove to be a preview of big swings to come. Sources in team management confirm that the new stadium will be built with the same cozy dimensions as the old. Expect a ton of offense, as Sick's Stadium will be one of the smallest ballparks in the League. Right-handed sluggers will drool at the short left-field porch—only 305 feet down the line.

"Sounds great to me!" said Sanderson, "I'm sick of watching the Mariners lose 1-0. Let's get some offense up in Seattle!"

Fans will also be excited to hear about some the promotion nights that Seattle announced. Graham Hubbell, team marketing director, stated that, to expedite the building of the stadium, the team purchased not just the lot and the Lowe's building but also all the product located within the store. "We'll use most of it in the construction of the new Sick's Stadium," said Hubbell, "They have already chosen the Sea Gull 15-Light Brandywine Antique Bronze Chandelier to light the home clubhouse, and just wait until you see the beautiful faucet heads that will be featured in the stadium bathrooms!"

But what about leftover materials? "We'll be having drawings throughout the year," said Hubbell, "Some lucky fan may go home with their very own hot tub! Plus the May 8th game against SoCal will be Patio Door Day, and July 24th against Greenville will by Vinyl Gutter Day. Kids, remember to bring your dad!"