Seattle Sluggers Christened Sasquatch

After a month of rumors and arguments, Seattle baseball fans finally learned the name of the their new team—everyone agrees, the name is legendary. Seattle fans, say hello to the Seattle Sasquatch!

The identity of the Seattle team was just one of many announcements made at a press conference today. In front of a room packed full of fans and reporters, marketing director Graham Hubbell unveiled the Sasquatch logo and the team's uniform. He identified the minor league teams. Perhaps most crucial to the fortunes of the team, Hubbell announced that Seattle had signed a complete unknown as General Manager.

Sick's Stadium

Terry Sanderson supervises the plumbing department at the Lowe's on Beacon Hill. This morning, he headed to work as usual. He made it just in time to see the wrecking ball take its first swing. "I had no idea what was going on," said Sanderson, "When I saw that wrecking ball crash through front wall I spit out the nonfat Caffè Mocha that I was drinking all over my buddy Earl."

So what is going on? The Beacon Hill Lowe's was purchased this past weekend for a substantial but undisclosed sum that Lowe's representatives only describe as "whoopee, let's throw a yaught party!" The purchaser is Walter Redlum, owner of the new Seattle franchise in the Adult Baseball League. The Beacon Hill Lowe's is being torn down to make room for the franchise's ballpark: Sick's Stadium.

ABL Awards Franchise to Seattle

Emerald City baseball fans cheered today when Jason Goldman, Commissioner of the Adult Baseball League, announced that the league had awarded a franchise to Seattle, but cheers quickly turned into head scratching when it was announced that the winning bid had been submitted by eccentric billionaire Walter Redlum.